Confessions From A Quad Mom
I’m in an amazing group of other Quad (and a couple Quint and Sextuplet) Moms. They’ve been my lifesaver on many a day. They get it. They get this life. They understand the struggles, the blessings, the highs and lows. There are several I’ve become close to and talk (text) with almost daily.
One thing we talk about- things we often think. Things we hear. What others say to us, and how we really feel about it. What we feel we are missing. The guilt that ensues. And the intense joy we have with our blessings.
Want to know what goes on in our heads? Here are some Confessions from a Quad Mom:
I stop through any McDonald’s or Starbucks drive-thru anytime I finally get out because there isn’t enough caffeine in the world to fuel me
I want to be invited to get together or play dates- even when you know I’m going to Have to decline because it’s not quad friendly and I don’t have help.
I secretly envy you moms with your cute single strollers as I try to fit my 85lb one in my trunk
I feel accomplished when I wear a pair of maternity yoga pants because I instantly feel skinny…and I secretly envy those moms that “bounce back” to pre-pregnancy size. After quads, some things will NEVER be pre-pregnancy size without lots of money, time, and surgery.
I envy moms that can exclusively breast feed.
I wish I could Cuddle without the guilt of the ones not getting cuddled.
I want to be able to dress in real clothes.
I wish I didn’t have to stress if 1 baby would wake another
I miss that I can’t buy the Cute clothes/shoes that I would buy in a heart beat if I had 1…times 4 is just too expensive
Things I like to flaunt : I can manage all of them by myself all day including going for a walk with the dog and Cuddling with more babies at the same time
I envy moms of singletons who have their hair and makeup done perfectly while I’m over here looking like a wet bag of assholes.
I envy singleton moms who can call up and get a sitter without it being an act of congress and without having to have all babes bathed and sleeping first.
I envy moms who have time to eat a decent meal instead of quick junk food or whatever still smells edible from the fridge.
I desperately want to go to Mom’s Night Out, but bed is calling and I’ve got a pounding headache.
I have a panic attack at the first sign one is sick because I know it means they will all get sick, I will get sick, and worst, their dad will get sick.
As a mom who works outside of the home, I envy moms who are able to stay home. I know it’s a different, harder kind of work, but I would love to spend more time with my kids. They would probably drive me crazy after a while, but I feel that I’m missing out on so much.
As a stay at home mom, I envy moms who work. Childcare is too much. Some days, I really miss working an actual job where I’m getting paid and recognized. Raising quads, I often feel invisible, unless I’m out with all 4 and attracting unwanted attention.
I envy moms who aren’t asked if they used fertility methods to get pregnant.
On the other hand, I feel sorry for those moms who don’t get to experience what we do. I may get overwhelmed, be exhausted, and have extra skin around my midsection, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I envy moms of singletons at our mommy & me class that get to cuddle and sing to their kid and do all the cute motions to the music while I’m chasing 4 screaming toddlers, one is hiding under a table, one is hanging on the teachers leg.. And other crap like that
I sometimes sit in the lobby of my daughter physical therapy appointment and tell them it’s because she does better if I’m not watching.. But really I want to watch Dr Phil on the lobby TV and have an hour of peace & quite ( is that really as sad as it sounds?)
I make phone calls to family a long way away in the car so that the kids have to be quiet thus no fighting.
I always check for enclosed areas before considering taking my kids anywhere.
I am working out at the gym because they offer child care while you are inside the building. and I just need some time to myself and a shower. The shower is probably the motivating factor.
When I see singleton babies with cute little shoes- I couldn’t be bothered putting shoes on them until they were up and running.
I used to meet a triplet-mom friend at the grocery store. We put our kids in the free childcare, then sit and chat at the Starbucks for 1 hour 45 minutes. Then we would speed shop the last 15 minutes of our 2 hour daily allotment.
My mother fail is the girls hair…. i wish I would take a moment (or have time) to comb their hair in a cute way.
I don’t have a gym membership because 1. The childcare costs more than the membership 2. Quadruplets are a cardio and strength training workout
Ok this is bad. Depending on the mood I’m in and if all four of them are playing soccer games at the same time, I may focus a little more on the kids that are better in soccer. I.e. If one is playing (he plays premier), I may watch more of his game than his brother’s or his sisters’ game. If one of them is having an off game, I may start watching another game. At the dome, there are 6 games going on at the same time and generally the youngest ages start first in the day, going to the oldest’s games late in the day so yes 3-6 12 games could be going on on all 6 fields at the same time.
I envy moms of singletons who don’t have to consider cost of everything x 4! Swim lessons, karate, dance, soccer, etc seem affordable until multiplied by four! I feel like my kids miss out
I envy couples who can easily hire a date night sitter because 1. It won’t cost a fortune 2. People are willing to watch a couple of kids
I cringe when people tell me they “know what it’s like” because they have 4 under 4. It’s not the same. Different situations, different problems. Until you’ve carried 4 babies at once, it’s not the same.
Sometimes just the thought of needing to go to the grocery store is overwhelming. Sometimes the thought of going anywhere with the kids is overwhelming.
Just like your life isn’t like reality TV, neither is ours. We aren’t freak show.
I often feel I am not allowed to complain. The misbelief among public is that we ASKED for this- that because we had to seek fertility treatment, we ASKED and KNEW we were going to have Higher Order Multiples…that we should have “known better”…. I often feel guilt and shame when I feel anything other than joy. Because I know the struggles. I know the pains of wanting a baby. I know the pains and fears of a higher order multiple pregnancy…And i’ve seen too many families lose babies. I know the struggles of the NICU and seeing a baby born way before time. I know my kids are miracles. I AM blessed. I feel very grateful. And sometimes, I need a moment- just like any other mom. I need to have a moment and not feel guilt and not sense judgment from anyone else.
Sometimes I hide behind the couch where I can barely see the babies, while I eat, facebook, fold clothes, or just vegetate- because if they babies see me, they fuss, scream, fight, or want to be held- but if they can’t see me, they play happily together.
I bought the leashes. Forget trying to chase them. One day, I will teach them to pull me in the wagon.
I call quad parenting- “extreme parenting.” Most of what you go through is what other parents feel too (after infancy) like being tied down, never being able to sleep in, constantly training and correcting and answering questions, strains on marriage, etc. I tell people my life is: Extremely Exhausting AND Extremely Satisfying!!
I wish I could use a jogging stroller with one or two babies in it and go for a run…instead I have a stroller that, with kids, weighs more than me.
And remember when you go to a new doctor and have to fill out ALL the paperwork for one child, while that one child is with you. Try filling out that paperwork for four children at one time, when all four children are with you.
I’d love to go out and not get stared at….and at the same time, when I go out with one baby, it feels incredibly odd not to have swarms of people gawking and asking about how my baby was conceived.
Sometimes, I think about just feeding them outside, in only diapers, then hosing them down.
Sometimes, the hard part is just getting the energy-motivation to pack the diaper bag in order to leave the house. There’s always the fear we will get somewhere and they will be a screaming mess.
Diapers x4. No explanation needed.
I want to scream at the next person who asks if my kids are “natural.”
I desperately just want friends and adult time.
I feed my kids chicken nuggets and mac and cheese probably way too often.
I feel accomplished if I shower every 3 days.
As hard as it is, I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky. I got to experience something that VERY few women will and have 4 incredibly blessings. Even on the hard days when all are screaming, poop is everywhere, and it seems everything has gone wrong, I wouldn’t trade it. This is my crazy life- and I love it.
There you have it, thoughts directly from quad moms. What about the rest of you? What are some of your confessions?